


your graduation

by miniaturetigers



Series: joshler oneshots [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Vent Writing, tyler loves josh so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 03:45:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6687904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miniaturetigers/pseuds/miniaturetigers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tyler never thought he would see the day where he let josh walk away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your graduation

**Author's Note:**

> based on something that happened to me. and because of that, i decided to vent write it out and what it made me feel. ugh. enjoy my ansgty fluffy mess of fan fiction. i'm not even going to lie, i'm super proud of this work. i haven't written something i am actually proud of since 2012/2013-ish.

  summer afternoons and bones that shook with anxiety. nightmares about giving project presentations, empty redbull cans, water that glistened in the bright rays of sunlight, and a heavy scent of vanilla. pink, messy hair that was littered with little flowers and pieces of grass, half-done tattoos, and squinty-eyed smiles. every little detail added up to one, beautiful, angelic being. joshua william dun.

  he reminded tyler of happier days and restful nights, of skies decorated with twinkling stars, and waking up to fluffy pancakes and mac demarco songs playing throughout the small apartment. tyler was completely in love with him. it was like some sort of fog that covered tyler's demons and glazed over his brown eyes, painting the world in pastel blues and soft pinks. his heart ached a blissful pain and butterflies made a home in the emptiness that used to burn holes in his stomach. there weren't enough existing words to even try and explain the feelings that josh caused in tyler.

  but that didn't make tyler stop trying. every night he would serenade josh with pretty lyrics and some sort of mess of chords on his ukulele as an attempt to get out all of the tooth-rotting fluffiness that stuck in tyler's veins like thick molasses ever since josh started to hold his hand like it was the most precious jewel in the world. every night tyler would shower josh's pretty face in sweet kisses and whisper sweet nothings to help calm josh and let him slowly rock into a nice slumber. and every morning tyler would rap his arms around josh's neck, josh wrapping his own around tyler's slender waist, and lay in bed, just gazing into the galaxies that existed in josh's hazel eyes.

 

  tyler loved josh. tyler cared for josh as though he were a dying species. tyler simply  _loved_ josh. and maybe that's why tyler never thought he'd see the day where he let josh walk away. 

  the brunet never thought he'd let josh walk away into the cold, winter night, knowing just how much the winter depressed josh. he didn't want to believe that was really him, the boy that snapped at josh and yelled words that were sharp as knives and stabbed him right in the chest. the second they rolled off of tyler's tongue he swore they were like venom that stung his taste buds and burned wounds in his chin as they dripped down and out into the air.

  tyler never meant for things to get so out of hand. tyler never meant to push josh away into a dark hole over some stupid little action. tyler never meant to say those words that were just stupid little lies his mind made up in the heat of it all and tyler never meant to let josh go. 

  memories of late night texts from josh littered his mind. oh, god, the things tyler would do so he could go back in time and reply to those morose texts. or maybe even just call josh and tell him he was sorry about a thousand times before begging him to go back to the apartment they shared. he could only imagine the pain that must have been eating away at the pink haired boy. for someone, better yet, the  _only_ person who loves you, to fill your mind with ideas that cause knots to from in your throat and tears to forever live in sad eyes must be the worst way to die.

  he knew that josh had no one. he knew that they day josh came out as a homosexual, his family basically disowned him and he knew that josh was trying his best not to lay around all day and float in the lake of his sadness. and although it doesn't justify one single thing, tyler was just so  _tired_. he hated seeing tears in those hazel eyes and little red marks all over those pretty arms. tyler just didn't want to accept the fact that josh's depression was worsening with each passing day and everything he did to try and help did nothing at all, if not, make it even worse. what did that cause? for tyler to snap completely and say words that weren't even his.

  now tyler was only left with a chest full of guilt, memories of better days, horrid nightmares, and a dying wish to have his joshy boy back by his side.

 

  as sick as it sounds, josh looked hauntingly pretty when he rested in the casket before being lowered 6 feet under ground. the kind of pretty that makes you sick and wish you could claw your very own eyes out, though. purple and blue marks still looked fresh on josh's neck, the dark circles under his eyes and hollow cheeks were like a welcoming doormat for suicide. the sleeves of josh's tuxedo were too short and showed off the deep gashes and smaller cuts that dirtied his arms like trash contaminating a river.

  when josh's family arrived at the funeral, they immediately went after tyler. they put the blame on him and muttered angry words. tyler let them, of course, he didn't want to cause such a nasty scene at the funeral and tyler knew that when something bad happens, we all look for someone to blame. besides, tyler was already blaming himself so it's not like it hurt to be blamed in the first place.

  and then it was debby, josh's only, true friend. sure josh would hang out with tyler and his friends, but he never said much to the boys. debby was the only person (apart from tyler) that knew all of josh's secrets and pain and suffering and anxiety that he held deep inside. 

  oh, how sad she looked the day of the funeral. her cheery eyes were now tired and droopy, eyes that belonged to a sad girl who lost her closest friend. eyes that belonged to a girl who also blamed josh's death on themselves and the guilt was slowly gnawing at her bones. even her pink and green hair had faded to a duller colour that reminded tyler of ghosts and haunted bedrooms. the whole sight was the perfect example of depression and hating goodbyes.

 

  at this point, tyler was ready to sit at the bottom of a swimming pool and let the water flood his lungs into a slow, painful death. but he knew josh wouldn't want that. some part of him knew that josh had already forgiven tyler and didn't blame him for his death. tyler believed that, late at night when he had trouble falling sleep, it was because josh's ghost was sitting in their shared room, just staring at tyler with a lovesick smile. the smile that tyler could see out of the corner of his eyes when they would be binge watching shitty tv shows and josh would stare at tyler in awe, cheeks turning pink, eyes shimmering and plump lips looking flawless.

  so he stayed. no matter how much he felt like dying, no matter how tired he grew and how fragile his bones were, tyler stayed. he stayed for josh. he  _lived_ for josh. he lived to see the sun rise in the morning and admire it the way josh would because he just loved being reminded that if the sun had enough strength to rise every morning then he had just enough strength to get out of bed. tyler lived to feel the sun tenderly kiss his tan skin, warming up his freezing insides and tickling the hairs on his arms, the way josh would describe the feeling of heat to tyler whenever they would go out for a swim on summer afternoons.

 

  tyler lived to suffer through each painful day, knowing that one day he would receive his reward of a pretty angel boy with pink hair and squinty-eyed smiles just waiting to hold him once again.


End file.
